Monday, June 10, 2013

20 Years

Hey y'all!  

Yes, I know.  It's been a while since my last update.

To be honest, I'm in a 'funk'.  Just a funky mood.  Not really sure why, but I kind of have an idea.

I recently had my 20 year class reunion. No, this is not why. 

Kevin and I had a blast.  At least, I think Kevin had fun.  

This is Kristi.  My BFF from back in the day.  Actually we became friends in Jr. high (7th grade). I remember her from day one!  We were pretty much inseparable after that day.  

Kristi lives in Minnesota now, and is expecting her first child next month.  She was not able to come to the reunion since she is so far a long in her pregnancy.  I really missed having her at the reunion.   

This is Brian.  We went to our Senior Prom together.  He, also, was not at our reunion, but I do keep up with him on Facebook. 

Most of us are on Facebook now, so going in to the reunion, you had an idea of who was married, who has children, where they live, where they work, etc.

The big question was, did Facebook hurt or harm our attendance at our reunion?  First of all, to be honest, I thought we had a great turn out.   I don't know the exact head count, but I would say, there were at least 50 to 60 classmates that attended.  We had 444 in our graduating class.
I'm sure those who didn't come had a valid reason.  I heard several versions of why....  cost of the tickets was one reason, along with, some people didn't feel comfortable in their life.  They felt under accomplished.  "I don't have kids", "I'm not married", "I didn't finish college", "I've been divorced... twice", "I don't have a good job", and so on....
It's a shame for someone to miss out in fear of being judged!
I did have some of those feelings before I went.  I didn't finish college, I'm a stay at home mom, I didn't have Mason until I was 35... I'm not exactly where I thought I would be at this point in my life.
Things change, things happen, and sometimes life takes you on a different path than what you had planned. 

I was not expecting this to be my school.  I had not been back to Fayetteville in 20 years, so I guess I wasn't sure what to expect.

It look abandoned, but yet there are still classes here.  Broken windows, weeds, rust, no tlc. It was really sad.

I really had a hard time remembering because nothing looked the same.  Well, not much looked the same. 

Kevin was asking me questions about the school and I couldn't answer them.  I just kept saying, "I can't remember".  I really wish my BFF would have been there with me.  

I did remember our baseball and football fields.  I spent a ton of time here my junior and senior year taking pictures for our yearbook. 

I was always on the side lines of the football games taking pictures.  Thinking back on that now, I missed out on all of the fun in the stands and the after parties.  Most of the time, I was by myself on the field.  

I don't think my classmates understood or didn't realize the sacrifices I made to take the pictures.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I feel like I missed out too!

The school was not open the day we visited, but I was able to get a picture through the window. 

Now take a look at this... This is actually the new high school, which I think is 10 years old. 

The new school is just on the other side of the road.  We didn't walk over, just took pictures from a far.  To me, this was still a field or at least what it used to be.  

The road dividing the two schools is Tiger Trail.  This road used to be painted over every year for the graduating class to spray paint whatever they wanted.  There was no evidence of black paint.  It appears to have been paved over long ago.

I really did have a good time at our reunion.  This is me with my name tag getting ready to go in the ball room.  

I was a bit nervous at first, but once I saw familiar faces, I was just ready to have a good time.  

One of our classmates is a professional photographer now.  He was nice enough to set up an area to take our pictures.  

A few of us stayed for an after party.  Crazy fun!  I think it was 1 AM at this point, which for this old lady is LATE!

So, what's up with my funky mood.  Well, I've realized I have moved so much in my years that I have not developed life long friends.  Yes, I have friends.  I'm a very social person, most of the time.  But, I don't have that one person that I can call, go shopping, out to eat, ...  You know?!  All the girlie things.

Going to my reunion just confirmed this funky mood.  I looked around and saw pals.  People that have been friends for years and are still friends and do things together.  

I did go to Elementary School with a lot of these people, but moved away for a couple of years.  I came back in Jr. High, but the majority of the 'friend circles' had already been established.  

I'd be willing to bet, most of them don't even know I went to Elementary, Jr. High, and High School with them.  

Bottom line, I'm 38 years old and I don't have a BFF.  I mean a girlfriend, not my husband.  Wow!  Is this a pity party?  No.  

I think being a stay at home can be lonely and maybe this is what triggered the whole 'funky feeling'.  I'm sure there are a lot of mom's who feel this way.  

Much of this is my fault.  I chose to move from Georgia to North Carolina.  My BFF had already moved to Minnesota or was planning to move.  And I needed this change.  I don't regret moving, I only regret not making new friends.  Life long friends.


Katie said...

I feel you on that one. I moved to Clayton 5 years ago and left everyone I knew up in MD. All my BFF's are up there but friendship loses something when you are not there to nurture it. I did find once S began going o daycare I began forming friendships with the other mom's. There is one who I am clicking with pretty well and I think once Mason begins school full time (preschool/kindergarden) you will meet many people on what I call the birthday circuit. Same ppl who tend to go to all the birthdays and form friendships that way as well. We all want the 'instant friendship' but it's hard to find someone who has the same type of personality/views as you do. I myself am having a hard time finding the girlfriend who I can forget that I am 35 and can forget that I am an adult and be immature around sometimes LOL Sometimes I feel like I don't have certain freedoms b/c I don't want to be incorrectly judged that I am rude. Things like that hold me back from really being myself. I have to keep telling myself that it will come. Just takes time :)


mommy2boys said...

Hi feel right there with you I too moved away from the BFF's I grew with (in Mexico).... I now live in NC. I too have pals but not true bff's, maybe we all need to get together.....although I am a bit older (41) but only in numbers I truly don't act my age 😆